Pissed off!!

Yesterday was is better than today. Wait! WAAAAAY better than today! I was dying to blog since the vacation started to pour emotions to another sheet of webpage in my blog. Last night I was thanking God of how yesterday's activities went great. Certainly, everyday can't be great. This day gave me a into-your-face feeling of having the ups and downs of life....I know most of you in the pre-adolescence stage can relate to this.

Sometimes, things just stack up and breaks you into pieces...There's so many issues regarding a teenager's life....so young yet so complicated....It's just absurd. People are criticizing you at all aspects and tries to be your worst nightmare. What it is with this life that everything seems so wrong...so dark...so frustrating...

In my self, I know I have gone SO MUCH things in life...and everyday...I hope everything will get better....I don't know...Things worsen up and turns me into an emotional wreckage that I am right now. There are so many invasions in life that I can't handle....I am not ready to welcome these invasions....Or should I say It shouldn't get into me. Most basic things are the one that gets into my nerves...people are trying to help you but certainly, they are just getting the situation more painful. There are these 'useless' words that irritate my ears that make me feel so dumb.

'You know I'm no good' -Amy Winehouse.

Why do they try to reinstate facts that I actually know....but still they insist?? Why? OMG. I'm feeling hard at this very moment. Invasion of privacy is my worst issue. I need to be alone sometimes...I need to rekindle my relationship with myself so that I can be 'ME' all the time. Why can't I?

"If those happy little bluebirds fly....Why...Why can't I" (Over the Rainbow)

I guess I have to thank this blog for making me feel better. This blog has been emotional for almost all the time...People may see me as a very emotional person....and yes I am...but not everytime...My blog is like one-dimesional...It happens that whenever I'm in 'senti-mode' that I rush to the compose blog entry then post it. As I have said, It's a therapy....and It really helps...Not just to me but all of you who types your heart out during those dark moments...It's channeling the emotions away from me..just like any other. I may have wrote about happy times but those are quite few since I want the happiness to stay within me...and not fly away from me. Points to ponder:

"I'm sick of being followed"(frm. Rumors)

"Children get older...I'm getting older too, Well.."(frm. Landslide)

"What we holds so dear slips away...The past keeps on fading..."(frm. Springstreet)

Sometimes....Life's very hard on us.....

And we must keep getting strong to withstand the tests.....

Only Time can tell...

2007:A Year of Realizations

(Warning: This post may contain Tons of Ka-dramahan )

I feel the emotions rushing over my blood so here I am writing something about myself. My past year-to be exact.

The year 2007 has been a year full of emotions, realizations, union, achievements, disappointments and musical inclinations...

Right now, I know my life wouldn't be the same when I was still at my grade school or early high school days..To make it easier, moving on is the best thing to do.

FIRST QUARTER:

I came to know that life is very mysterious and surprising. It just flicks at an instant...and everything follows. With my ups and downs, I came to God. I know during those times, He can only be the one that can help me pass that time and hope for a better day. I kept my faith up until it is insurmountable (for me). Until the day that He granted my wish. He also made me realize that I continually exceed what I am capable of. With that, I soared even greater heights and I hope I can continue to. The only thing I was worried that I might fall harder when I fall, so I kept my feet flat on the ground, and woke up in the real world. The result of what I have accumulated kept my ego higher and it helped my family much. Also, I made my family proud of what I am capable of. The first quarter was kinda more of a preparation for the next chapter.

SECOND QUARTER:

I am very happy this quarter because I gave myself a pampering time with my family. I reunited with my mother and sister, whom I miss so much. It was more of a joyride along the 'lighter' and 'brighter' side of life since I've been busy the past months. I was sort of in a blissfully mode but not completely. It’s like a dream I never wanted to wake up....but suddenly I felt that there was something wrong with the picture so I came back into the real world. But during those times, I was educated by what’s goin on around me, of what’s going to happen next. It’s amusing to know the next but there are certain risks I am not willing to give. I realized that my life is much complicated that what I’ve perceived. It's so hard but I know someday, we're gonna be okay. Atleast... Enough of the lonely times...Hehe.. This time I came to explore new and foreign things....On my own. I became more independent...Atleast...Travelling by myself...I know, this is one thing I am certainly proud of, I am independent. That's what I've acquired from all the life-changing events that I've went through.

THIRD CHAPTER:

This has been the 'steady' months of my life. Nothing's goin' on too much...What I can remember is my block retreat, (Nafrustrate ako sobra kasi di natuloy ung Cultural Night-The event I've been waiting for Hehe. ) SM hardships, CADD bwisets..and ya, a personal-controversial-stirred-disappointment in my career! (Wow! Career daw o!) Anyway, there are things that are really wrong that are accepted by humankind. I know, for myself it is W-R-O-N-G! Because I have evidences. Oh well papel, I'm over that and that's over. No more dicussions. Atleast I gave clues of what it is...haha

FOURTH CHAPTER:

At last, the final and the most substantial chapter of my year, the year ender. I don't know what has happened to myself these past few months but, I became more reasonable of making my decisions and all my plans are more clearer. I was inspired by music, that helped me sail through those senti-times. haha. I listen much to Heroes and Thieves(album) by Vanessa Carlton. What I like with it is that, It's very different and I can relate to, really. She's got talent of a one-of-a kind. Also, Lately, I've been hooked to Linkin Park, those bands and everything nice like Rihanna. These has been influential to my mood as I go through my life day by day. As with regards to my plans, really, life-long plans, December is the month! I came to dicover things that I like to do for the rest of my life and how I envision myself in the future. I got some ideas on how to make everything possible. As like any other goals, it's not going to be easy so I must bear with it. I just hope I can do it.! Speaking of December, I can't forget my Paskuhan! Hehe. It was such a delightful view to behold and experience. The thought of the whole UST campus celebrating Christmas inside the university with matching Stars and Fireworks! hehe. Pero sa totoo lang what matters are the memories-THE PICTURES! haha... I enjoyed myself so much taking pictures! And having fun the overnight Christmas Party of the block. Oh Gosh! what an experience!

With this stressful yet wonderful year, I came to realize, nothing would be the same, AGAIN. Everything would be harder, just like our course. Indeed, I’ve grown up to what people of this age should be. I’ve matured enough for me to see my complicated life in a different perspective and to see things positively, no matter what. I see this year as the reason for me to go on and continue discovering things. And I know, our life contains a disease that puts us in the dark. However, there are still antidotes to be able to get well, get up and rise. A line easy to read and understand but, really hard to internalize.

7 pictures for the year 2007...In Literal and Symbolic ways:

Hallelujah!!!

Oh Gosh! 1st sem of 2007-2008 is officially over as I got my clearance report this afternoon. It has been the most nerve-wrecking and most heart-pounding clearance day I have experienced. Even days before, I am already nervous about my SM grades. I'm really not sure if I'm going to pass or what. What I did was ask the Lord's help. Oh well, He's my last and only hope during those times. I can't even sleep the night before because I was so bothered. Thank God!!! I passed and got even a higher mark than what I have expected. Whew! Ha ha. I certainly don't want to experience that same world-reckoning experience again. Ha ha. EXXXagge!

So far, this is the hardest semester in my entire college life. Although, by not all means, but almost...Sched pa lang....pamatay na...Ha ha. Imagine a-30 minute break, to transfer to another class and to eat!! How in the world can you fit that specially when there's extra errands to do and if your prof is like---extending time minsan. Well, kilala na ng mga ka-block ko yun. Ha ha. Fave prof ng block.....ha ha. Kaya, more often that not, naaabutan ni Sir Basa, este, Sir Isip pala na kumakain ang mga pipol. Delicioso!!! What's on the plate? Anu pa ba? E di Timbale Treats!!! Ha ha. Who could forget the memorable and most enticing experience a subject could do to students? CADD!!! Ha ha. Medyo marami-rami din ang super nabadtrip sa subject that supposed to be very enjoyable! How can we enjoy 1 semester with a very demanding instructions and extra loads. How's thAT poknAT! Ha ha.Oh well papel, that's life.

On the lighter side, there's the ever present site visits for our design subjects. The sites this sem are interesting...especially the Paco Train Station site. It's the first time I actually went inside a wrecked building. I hope next time, sa haunted site naman. WOW! As if may ganun...This time, the design subject is interesting but not so....Ha ha. What an irony... I can't explain further why. Secret...Ha ha. Well, nagenjoy naman ako kahit papano. Although I super crammed the last 2 major plates. Thank God, there's the ever reliant extensions. It makes DEADLINES nonesense. Ha ha..I, myself, must agree to that. I hope next time, I can manage all things so there will be no cramming days ahead of me. It seems rather not possible. Ha ha. But who knows???

Not to forget, the most boring BU class in my entire stay at the college. Kamusta naman un? Self-study? BU quiz-essay type? Diagram that is not drawn, but in words? No powerpoint or other lecture materials? and lastly, discussion that has become a dictation time.. Hay, saya...I must say, Eng. Eugenio is still the best terrorist in town!! Ha ha. Wala paring kupas! Maski ung mga di nag-aaral, nag-aaral na. What a change....Speaking of change, I remembered Climate change. Ha ha. In fairness, NS is very educational to all of us. It is really a subject for the awareness of environmental issues, etc. As a matter of fact, I learned much more that what I expected. There is a imaginative and descriptive tour to Germany. Now I know whats... "IN GERMANY"....Ha ha, although she's a Philippine native "tilapia". Milkfish na lang para sosyal. She came into a being of a Philippine Milkfish that swam into the rivers of Germany. Waw sabaw!!! Ha ha. HOA! I love HOA. I like it very much since Sir Nick made a supposed to-be boring subject a very interesting one! I could never forget Azumi! The ever bloooooooooooody movie that is worth vomiting! ha ha.

That's a rap! Ha ha... Music video daw ba? That's really it for this sem. OMG! I'm already halfway though. Another 5 sems and tata! Goodbye College... Ha ha. It seems to be a short way but I know, it will be a long road. No matter how life seems to be good or bad, I must support my choice to enter the road less traveled. Less free time, Less social life, Less siesta but definitely MORE FUN!!!

Alright

Whoa!! Rest time na! Yesterday, we've had the last set of tests...after soOOO much stress. I've finally halfway my course....5 sems to go...

There are times that I can't help but reminisce the past. It seems like yesterday that I took several college entrance exams. And now....nandito na ako...ilang taon na lang at tapos na sa pag-aaral. It's fulfilling but at the same time, nakakalungkot. Ganon na lang kasi siguro, I have so much great memories of the past na parang fresh na fresh pa, although ang tagal nang nagyari. Minsan nga, nung sobrang depressed ako, I browsed through my inbox at nakita ko ang isang quote na nastruck tlga ako. It says:

"Often, the greatest enemy of present happiness is past happiness too well remembered" -Oscar Hamming

Right after basahin un, parang narealize ko agad bakit ako nalulungkot noon. So, what I moved on with those past memories that held back a part of me. I don't know why but sometimes, I'm too sentimental. Hehe. Parang kailan lang din, high school pa. Hehe.... Life back then was so laid back compared to today. Pabanjing-banjing lang... E ngayon? Parang I can't breathe na sa sobrang stressful ng buhay. Naisip ko nga e, pano pa kya after college? hehe. Bka mastroke na ako..Sus!

Lately lang din, parang dumami ang umaalis na mga classmates ko nung H.S. Sabi nga nila, someday magiging ambassadors na ang servicians ng iba't ibang bansa. Well, of course, exagerration lang yun. Kasi, halos 30% ata ng mga pilipino ay may mga pending petitions at more ang may planong umalis ng bansa. I can't blame them because life here is very hard. It's like, everybody's singing "I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough...." over and over again. Kasi naman walang improvement. Nakakamiss lang talaga na hindi na ever mabubuo ang mga classmates ko kung may reunion. Tapos yung mga ka-close ko pa naman ang umalis.. It's sad but, that was then and this is now. (waw gumaganun??).

I also miss my family...alot. It was a long, long tym ago na nacomplete kami. Eventhough, nakikita ko naman sila...syempre mas masaya parin ang complete and under one roof ang isang family. Haayyy.....Un lang ang masasabi ko.

Haha. Ayoko na dahil masyado lang akong nalulungkot...hehe. My therapy nga is music...e. and it makes me feel lighter...Ngayon, I can say ang madalas kong marinig sa mga series at movies:

"We'll be fine"

(or should I say...I'LL BE ALRIGHT")

Not so late SEM-Ender entry

Well, It's not too late having a sem-ender entry here...

All is finished now, finally! 2nd year's over and I'm on my way to my 3rd year in college. Oh well, it would be more to go...

This semester has been oh-so-average as I would rate it. Since I've got my grades and it was uhmm...OK a little more than I expected but... At least I've made it through, right? Hehe... Whatever. It has been a roller coaster of emotions for me this sem and I've been through a lot of things that I came to know myself. I remember the times I was alone in the library searching for books that are missing and looking for whatever I can find useful there. Well, I guess that's the difference between College and High School. One must have to be independent in order to survive and excel in the way he wants. I could remember the PP assignment wherein we have to look for the diff. codes and no one (among my friends) is interested in finding those. So, who cares? I go there alone and see for myself. At least I'm at peace when at the best time, all the fruits of my labor came into me. Oh..God...Thank you so much for blessing me..: )
When It comes to passing the plates, I have experienced unfortunate events like:
1. Waking Up late due to almost sleepless nights
2. Getting Caught in traffic
3. Having computer slowdowns when I'm in rush
and all the things you can't even imagine. Of course, can I ever forget all the laughter this sem. Hehe.. Especially from the professors..hehe.. Hi Ma'am Cow (hehe). Well, that's life. I hope 3rd year would be a great year for me and for us though it's a turning point in my career as an architecture student. Oh...I really do hope...Hehe...I can't really put all the pieces in just one entry but I think that's it for now!

Tata! See Ya!

P.S.
I didn't happen to make another layout due to lack of time because of my trip and argggghhh! my Laptop has gotten a virus! But it's ok now, but it's reformatted so I have to reinstall all the softwares and do a LOT of work. really. It's very frustrating...

Burst Out!

DARKER SIDE OF THE STORY

So many thoughts just runnin' in my head right now, and I don't know what to free out first. Last last night-morning, I had a dream that seems so realistic yet I don't know how would it happen. Guess what? I woke up with tears. Sad huh. Anyway, the dream I had that night was too private so I can't tell ya! Hahaha... I was so frustrated that I even started questioning and cursing. I guess I should stop this since the feeling subsided and readers won't even understand what I'm saying. Hehe.

Right after I came home from my dorm, I really felt the need of "exclusive" privacy. Seriously, I really need it. I can't move quite enough for myself to be me. I NEED SPACE. (drama-hehe). I don't like having viewers to be seeing me, to be judging me. It's very awkward. The worst part is-when they comment on me. Arghhh!!! I'm so tired of having the same words that certainly irritates me. It comes to my nerves! All I can say is- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. (but sure do?).

LIGHTER SIDE OF THE STORY

Let's get positive. Hehe. I'm just worried of my BT plate. Why is tuesday so slow to come? Oh tuesday, come to me. Hehe. I hope I can have you gratefully. I really do hope my BT's fine, after all the hard work that I devoted to it. I just pray that everything will be fine before I leave. I'll be leaving in a week ++. I hope, anything about my studies will be stable and will continue to shine. Hehe. It's my dream to graduate with flying colors and continue being a scholar, but it's too hard. What else can I do? Just do my best in all aspects and don't leave a freakin' flaw. I wish God will help me through my journey. I'm not yet halfway thou...and I hope I can sustain my burning desire and my attitude to be the best (Haha-Natatawa ako sa sarili ko).

Bakit ba ang drama ko ngaun? Hmmm...tagal ko lang siguro hindi nakapag blog at na-ipon ang mga thoughts at now, nagburst na lang bigla. Hehe.

OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY

I have AI fever rising in me. And here is my ranking:

10. Sanjaya Malakar- He just makes me laugh.

9. Gina Glocksen- She's a true rocker at heart but her vocals isn't enough to make it through.

8. Phil Stacey- There's something about him that I don't like maybe it was the comment that Simon said last performance episode, that yes, he's good in the competition, but when the time comes when the contest finishes, he will be overshadowed by other singers.

7. Chris Sligh- I don't like this guy, but he's a good singer but he doesn't have an overwhelming power like others have.

Tied:

5. Haley Scarnato- She kinda reminds me of Katherine McPhee, minus the vocal power.

5. Chris Richardson- His vocal ability may not be enough for him to stay but he has this charm and surprise. However, he's very unstable when it comes to performance rating.

Not sure about the following

Tied:

4. Lakisha Jones- She's a great performer and catches the heart of the audience, but the question in, is she the "American Idol" If you know what I mean or if she does win, she'll end up being just like Fantasia.

4. Melinda Doolittle- Her voice is just capturing the hearts of many but same comment with Lakisha.

Tied:

2. Blake Lewis - He's a fresh new breed of talent, very contemporary and most likely be a very successful star someday

2. Jordin Sparks- She's very young and a very good performer. She knows how to do her song hers.

Conclusion: My top four may be scrambled but they will most likely be in the top four. However, Having a finals with Lakisha and Melinda will be great and Jordin at the back. I think a girl will win this season's title.

By the way, I'm planning to have another layout within a week. I hope I can finish it by that time. Hehe..

See Ya!

Finally...I'm Home

At Last! I'm back to business doing my typing job here! Hehe...The finals is over and I hope I have done well in the exams...At least...Grabe! What a sem it has been! Lahat na ata na-experience ko...Watch out for my sem-ender entry by april 3, after kong makuha ung clearance and grades ko...Huhu..I hope It will be good naman...Parang nagdaan ako sa butas ng karayom e.

I'll finally let myself take rest after a LOOOOOONG period of too much stress. There are times na hindi ko na nagawa ung iba kong obligations (like yung pagmaintain ng site ng H.S. Class ko) Anyway..update ko as soon as possible.

I'm trying to patch things up today. Hehe. Kakauwi ko lang galing sa Dorm. Take note! Ang dami kong inuwing gamit! Iuwi mo ba naman lahat e! I hope I can get a new place by the start of the sem so I can live freely and move freely. Mas gusto ko kasi mag-1.

Kinapalan ko na mukha ko kahapon para magpapirma sa Study Center ng Dorm para lang ma-complete ung signature form ko. Hehe...Parang di ako yun e...Hehe. Medyo nadisappoint lang ako kasi, nalaman ko, may mga nagimbento lang ng names and mga info. Diba, law nga un na irerepeal, so kelangan valid ung mga information na nakalagay dun. Well...That's life. Baka ma-quote pa ako dito.

That's it for now! Bye!! Be back in a few days!